reading "bluebeard" circe bermann says that though it is true that every author writes for audience, his/her audience does not necessarily consist of a large group of people.
often, a work of literature, even art, is often laboriously crafted with the maker's blood, sweat, and yes, even tears for the purpose of pleasing just a single person.

that for me, is you.

admittedly, i usually write on this when i am trying to escape work or when something particularly unpleasant happens in my life but for the past weeks,
i have not written anything particularly emotionally exposing...i guess that must be a good sign.

this time, however, i am not here to complain nor vent about what ifs, whatiwishihaves and whatcould'vebeens.
instead, i want to tell the world how extremely happy i am.

you make me feel blessed everyday knowing that whatever happens, you are always there to catch me, always there to support me. i never would've thought that the guy i met after he sorely lost in monopoly six months ago will now be beside me, holding my hand through everything. i always dismissed sappy movies as nothing but a figment of a romantic's imagination.i scoffed at their scripts ladden with "you are my everything," "you make me feel lucky," "words can't describe what i feel about you" and other "vomit-inducing" romcom one-liners. i always believed that us people are destined to feel only a small ounce of this so-called Love and was perfectly content on being unattached.

despite this, however, there was always a small part of me that hoped that one day i'll meet that one person who will turn my life into a fairytale. the thought was practically ingrained into the minds of every girl since birth, it's inescapable. unfortunately, i found myself being wore down by almost every relationship that i entered, and thankfully, left. from then on, i vowed that i shall never allow myself to be vulnerable especially because of petty relationship matters. i built barriers, strengthened them through the months, until you came, charging head first through these fortifications, eager to prove that we really do fit, something i discovered after my fierce denials.

to a girl who has lived her life governed with rules, you, quite literally, swept me away. you have caused me to turn a complete 360, but ever since, change has never felt better. i have never been a fan of laying all my feelings on display, for the fear of getting hurt, but despite some our differences, it doesn't matter. because everyday, is a gift. to wake up another day, now that i'm with you reduces me to those sappy teenagers that have lived their lives waiting for their happily ever after, and never have i felt so grateful to be alive.

you know my story, and though you've have already heard it a thousand times, i want to say thank you, because you have given the feeling of just knowing.

i love you.

if lacking the ability to spell is a crime,
prisons everywhere would be filled to the brim.

learn how to spell people, damn, or else,
keep your thoughts to yourself.

Meaning in Madness

Inside, all at once
Without warning or notice
One cell broke loose

Mitotic madness

Anaplastic anarchy

In schizophrenic splits
Without order structure or
Any attention to limits.

Caught off guard what’s a soul to do?
What’s the soul to do?

Meaning and purpose
In the face of such cellular psychoses?

It is a choice
Is it not?
That is, to find order
And connection.

Perhaps the somatic insanity
Is but our last
Wake-up call:

To embrace the senses
Of this, our only owned existence.
And to love, to always, always love.

Roger B. Granet, M.D.

if change = inevitable
and I is not equal to inevitable
the I must not like change.

to a certain extent.
although vacation - in quebec especially -
is indeed a welcomed change.